considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
