She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
