I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
