Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
