Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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