I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
