Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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