Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
