Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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