So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am naked and annoyed.
I love you. Go after that dick
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
