Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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