I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
