Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
be right there i have to get my cape
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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