FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
