im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
