i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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