You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
