Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
