yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
