Swine flu is the new snow day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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