sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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