Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
