so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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