Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
