i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
