I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
