I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i need to put some appletini on your dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
