I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if only i could text you this smell
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
