I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize