Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
