fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize