I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
