I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
