so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
