Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
