The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize