i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize