someone get that fucking seahorse.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
