I got chris browned last night
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize