it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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