a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
