I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
