all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize