just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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