I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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