Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
