I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
