Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize