rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
