Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
