True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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