There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
