You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
