I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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