It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
