I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
