my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
