my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
