After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
