First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize