a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
