There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
