omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
