Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
