Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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