You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
