I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
