RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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