it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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