How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
