We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize