Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
