i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
